Going from 2 kids to 3 can feel a bit intimidating at first. As parents, you are now outnumbered and in zone defense for the first time. But, despite all that, I’d argue that going from 2 kids to 3 was completely beautiful.
This post is all about the simple changes that made going from 2 kids to 3 one of the sweetest transitions we’ve had as a family.
This post contains affiliate links.
What are the biggest challenges going from 2 kids to 3?
While I’m sure this answer would be a little different for every family, I’ve found the biggest mental challenge to be dividing my attention among 3 rather than 2. I’ve found the biggest logistical challenge is simply a numbers game. There are now two parents but three kids and when I’m out solo I have two hands but three kids.
On top of that, there’s also just more of everything. More naps to consider, more laundry to fold, more dishes to do, more diapers to change, etc.
So, while you can’t grow more arms or add more parents, there are plenty of ways to create calm and help manage the logistics of it all. While it sounds like a lot (and kinda is) I’ve truly found this transition period to be beautiful.
Best Tips for Going From 2 Kids to 3
Create rhythm rather than a schedule
While schedules are nice, it’s almost impossible with a new baby and two other unpredictable children in the mix. There will always be a poopy diaper, a hungry baby, or a cranky toddler that gets you behind schedule. For me, the pressure to keep on track with the daily schedule and not fall behind despite these moments, left me stressed and snapping at my kids. It made it difficult to stop and enjoy the little moments because I got so wrapped up in staying on track with the little schedule I had created.
Creating a daily rhythm however, was freeing. It left me feeling more in control of our day as a whole without having to control and manage every single moment. The kids still knew what to expect but they weren’t being rushed. It was as simple as knowing that we always do our devotional during breakfast, we always do quiet time after lunch, and we always do homeschool after quiet time. The kids know how things will progress during the day so it’s predictable but it’s not rigid. It keeps us on track but gives us freedom in our day too.
Stop folding laundry
Outside of feeding everyone, the most time consuming logistic of a big family is the laundry. And the most time consuming part of laundry is folding it. So…don’t. Seriously, don’t fold your kids’ laundry. Get a few of these larger cube organizers and these large storage bins. My kids each have bins for pajamas, pants, shorts, t-shirts, etc. and it takes me a few minutes to put away clothes rather than 20 or 30 minutes. It’s a massive time saver.
Say no without guilt
Since you now have three kids, you have three times more appointments, playdates, sporting events, school events, etc.When you are trying to talk to friends on the phone, you now have three little people playing loudly in the background. When a friend wants to meet for coffee, you have three little people to bring along. Everything gets a tiny bit more busy and a tiny bit more noisy. It’s not a bad thing but it means that you’ll have to say no sometimes to avoid burn out. Your real friends will understand that.
Learn to rephrase when you are busy
When my four year old started telling his sister, “I can’t look right now, I’m busy,” my heart about broke. I knew life had gotten busy when I had my third but I didn’t realize how much my phrasing mattered.
So, when my 4 year old would ask me to look at something he created or help with something, I started answering with phrases like, “Can I help you as soon as I finish feeding your brother?” or “I’d love to see that in just a minute! I can’t wait!”
He was totally okay to wait and even excited. He started saying he would, “surprise me,” rather than being dissapointed. He started treating his sister with respect when she needed something from him. All it took was a change in phrasing to let him know that I was excited to play with him and see what he was doing, even if I couldn’t look right at that exact moment.
Institute quiet time for all ages
The easiest way to institute quiet time is to transition your kids from naps to quiet time from a young age. Then, continue that quiet time even as they get older. I like to do quiet time and naps all together at the same time each day. So, right now, my oldest does quiet time at the same time my younger two have nap time. It gives my kids a quiet moment to sleep while I get a quiet moment to either catch up on a few things or relax myself. That mid day reset does wonders for everyone.
Aim to leave a half hour sooner than you need to
While it may sound funny, it actually works. The more kids you have, the more likely it is for something to happen or someone to have a breakdown as you are walking out the door. So, I’ve started aiming to leave a half hour earlier than we need to leave to get somewhere. More often than not, something comes up on the way out the door and we just end up leaving at a time that will get us there on time. And very rarely, we get somewhere a little bit earlier and it’s highly refreshing. But, this extra buffer will allow you to get places on time and not stress when your kids quite literally stop to smell the roses.
Become a morning person
When I had one or two kids, I hardly ever woke up before my kids did. I’d let them wake me up in the morning and still managed to find moments throughout the day to get my workout and quiet time in. I thought the people who woke up super early were a little crazy if I’m being honest.
But, once I had my third, there was hardly ever a dull moment in the day for me to take the breath I needed. So, when I woke up with my kids, I found myself impatient and overstimulated quickly.
In contrast, when I got up and had time to myself to workout, read, and get ready for the day, I was excited to greet my kids as they got out of bed. I was excited to attack the day with them and spend time playing with them. It quite literally did a total 180 on my outlook on the day. If you don’t believe me, just give it a try for a week (or even a day) and see how much it changes your day.
Teach responsible habits
There are a lot of chores and tasks that even young toddlers can do to help out. Teaching them to be responsible in little ways like putting their dishes in the sink, putting their dirty clothes in the hamper, and cleaning up one toy before getting out another toy will teach them responsibility while also making your life a whole lot easier too!
Create space for big feelings
I recommend creating both hypothetical and literal space for big feelings. More people in a home means more conflict resolution, more emotions, and more refereeing for the parents. But, it also means that you will feel overwhelmed by emotion at times too. It’s important that you find ways to stay calm and problem solve and that you teach your kids how to do the same.
Since having a third baby, I decided to add a calm down corner into our home. It’s nothing more than a bean bag, a poster of different emotions, and a basket of coloring books. I’ve told both my kids that they can go there if they need time to calm down or just need space and quiet for a minute.
This physical space has given us the emotional space we need to have conversations about our emotions. It’s given me space to help coach them through big emotions too.
Consistency is key
The biggest thing I’ve learned going from 2 kids to 3 is that consistency is key to literally everything. Little things make a big difference if they are done consistently. This rings true in every area of life and in every aspect of parenting.
Consistently doing dishes after meals makes sure I’m not overwhelmed by a pile of dishes in the evening. Consistently washing a load of laundry a day, means I’m not trying to get five loads of laundry done some days Consistently getting up to workout makes me a more patient mom. Consistently reading my Bible gives me wisdom in the difficult moments. Consistently giving my kids uninterrupted playtime each day makes us feel connected even on the busy days.
So, when you find what works for you, fight to stay consistent even when you’re exhausted. It will be worth it.
You can't do it all
The very first lesson I learned when going from 2 kids to 3 was that I couldn’t do it all. It just literally wasn’t possible. That applied to cooking, even though I wish I had time to make everything from scratch. That applied to cleaning, even though I wish I could stop stepping on duplos all the time. It applied to my kids, because I couldn’t do what everyone wanted to do all at the same time.
So, when your kids are getting antsy, try to remind them in a kind way that mommy can’t do everything at once. Try asking them how many mommy’s there are and how many kids there are. Point out that there are more kids than mommys and you need to work as a team each day in order for everyone to have a good day and stay safe. It’s a great way to help your kids understand a little better that there is only one of you.
You will have to pick and choose what is most important to you. Those things may change day to day or the might stay the same. But, simply do your best and forget the rest. That’s all you can ask of yourself.
This post was all about our experience going from 2 kids to 3 and the best ways we’ve found to smooth the transition. It may not always be easy but it can still be an insanely special time for both you and your family.
-Beautifully Busy Mom
Other Posts You'll Love
Meet the Author
Hi, I’m Monica! I’m a former teacher turned stay at home mom of three! I started this blog after feeling very lonely at the beginning of my motherhood journey. My goal is that no other moms would feel the way that I felt. So, this blog is filled with free resources, fun activities, and answers to the not so easy questions. That way, you can enjoy the beautiful chaos that is motherhood. Let’s be friends 🙂
