Healing after a miscarriage isn’t just about the physical aspects. That is only the first part of the journey. Finding healing emotionally and mentally takes time, intentionality, and the support of those we love. While miscarriage is never an easy thing to work through, these 13 things are what allowed me to understand and process my emotions in a healthy way.
This post is all about ways that you can start healing after a miscarriage and move forward in a way that honors both you and your baby.
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Healing After a Miscarriage
1. Make sure your delete any baby apps/unsubscribe from emails
Just days after my miscarriage I picked up my phone to a notification telling me that my baby was now supposed to be the size of a blueberry. It went on to tell me all the symptoms I would have been experiencing that week. I stared at it knowing that I wouldn’t be getting the food aversions or the heartburn that week but instead I’d be bleeding and cramping all week long. Save yourself the hurt and unsubscribe from any pregnancy phone aps and emails as soon as you can.
2. Understand that you and your spouse will grieve differently and that’s okay
Men and women grieve and cope differently to start. This is especially true when it comes to a miscarriage. Your husband didn’t carry the baby in their body and they don’t have to be reminded of the loss with every trip to the bathroom. They aren’t dealing with the physical aspects of miscarriage or the hormones either. This lack of a physical connection with the baby can make things even harder for your husband because he feels the loss differently and he may struggle to know how to support you well. Men are often left feeling helpless in a miscarriage and will cope by problem solving and trying to protect their family at all odds. Try not to get frustrated if it seems as though he is problem solving or not showing a lot of emotion like you may want. He only wants to help. Because the experience of loss is different for your husband, he will feel it differently too.
3. Talk to someone whose been through it
In any difficult situation, one of the most powerful things you can do is to talk with someone who has been through the same situation. With 1 in 5 of ever known pregnancy ending in a miscarriage, you are most definitely not alone in your grief. So don’t go through it alone. There are tons of miscarriage support groups if you want one locally or online. Chasing the Rainbows has daily online support groups for miscarriage and infant loss. And if you don’t want to go to a group, talk to a friend about it. You’d be surprised just how many people have quietly gone through a miscarriage of their own.
4. Consider creating a memorial for the baby
Creating a memorial for my baby was one of the impactful things I did to find healing after a miscarriage. I wanted to create a memorial because that is what our baby deserved from us, we already loved her beyond belief. Now we can bring flowers to the memorial we made for her and sit and have a conversation with her as she sits up in heaven and look forward to the day we get to hold her in our arms.
5. Never believe the lie that it’s your fault
It’s so easy to buy into the lie that you did something to cause your miscarriage. In all reality, that is RARELY the case. When a miscarriage happens, the baby often doesn’t implant correctly or isn’t healthy to start. It wasn’t from stress or something you ate. Don’t let your brain entertain those thoughts.
6. Lean into songs when you can't words for your feelings
When I was going through my miscarriage, it was hard to find words to describe how I was feeling. One of the things that helped me the most to put my thoughts into words was listening to music. Some of that consisted of songs from others who had gone through a miscarriage such as “Always,” by JJ Heller. Other times worship songs gave me hope to get through each day and focus on the blessings surrounding me. One of my favorites that I played on repeat was “Hallelujiah Even Here,” by Lydia Laird.
7. Make sure you follow up with your doctor
Amidst the grief of a miscarriage its easy to forget about taking care of yourself. But it is so important to follow up with your doctor and confirm that your HCG levels go back to normal. It is not selfish to take care of yourself.
8. Try to process through journaling
After a miscarriage, your mind is swirling with every emotion in existence. You are probably angry, sad, scared, bitter, and full of questions. It’s hard to sort through it all. Writing out your thoughts can help you determine what you really are feeling and what you need to begin healing from your miscarriage. For me, it helped to write out my prayers. The confusion and anger I felt and also the fear of what would come next. You can choose to write to God, to yourself, or like you are writing to a friend.
9. Remember them on a piece of mom jewelry
The mother’s day after our miscarriage, my husband bought me a mom necklace. He customized the necklace to have each one of our kids’ names on it and added a heart with the initial of the sweet baby we lost. She will always be in our hearts and a part of our family so I feel that adding her to my mom jewelry is a way that I can honor her short little life.
10. Don’t ever accept the lie that your feelings are less valid if you lost your baby early
For a long time I struggled feeling like my grief over the loss of my baby was silly because I lost her only 7 weeks into the pregnancy (we both just felt a feeling and a peace that it was a girl). I told myself that the people that lost their baby further along were the ones who had the right to be sad, but not me who had never gotten to see my baby on the ultrasound screen.
But the reality is that a miscarriage, no matter how far along you are, is the loss of a baby and a life that you already dreamt about and fell in love with. There is a different kind of pain that comes with never getting to see your baby on the ultrasound screen vs. falling in love with the little wiggle bug on the screen. They are oh so different but both HARD none the less.
11. Allow yourself to have space from the people/things that drain you BUT intentionally connect to the people/things that fill you
It’s okay to want space when you are grieving but you have to be careful what it is that you take space from. Removing yourself from the things and the people that stress you and drain you (as much as you can) is the best thing for your mental health. But in the same way, you also need to inentionally connect with the people and the things that fill you and bring you joy in life. Space from some things is needed to grieve but we weren’t meant to go through life alone.
12. Rest as much as possible to move towards complete physical healing after a miscarriage
Miscarriage is just as much a physical battle as it is an emotional one. In order to heal emotionally, you need to allow yourself to heal physically. The longer you drag out the physical healing and push your body, the longer you wil have a constant physical reminder of your loss.
13. Don’t rush getting pregnant again
When you are going through a miscarriage you are not only grieving the loss of your baby but also the loss of the family you dreamed about. As you are going through the grief process and physically healing, it’s easy to feel rushed to get pregnant again and stick to the timeline you had hoped for. Don’t feel rushed. Another baby won’t take away the grief you feel over the pervious miscarriage and your body will do it’s thing when it’s ready.
This post was all about finding healing after a miscarriage both physically and emotionally. These 13 things helped me so much to process my emotions and find healing in it all. I hope they do the same for you. Remember that you don’t have to go through it alone. And if you don’t have anyone to talk to please message me below, I would love to be there for you.
-Beautifully Busy Mom