At first, the thought of sibling room sharing honestly scared me! I was convinced that none of us would ever get a good night’s sleep and my kids would be fighting all the time. But, it was so far from the truth and two years later sibling room sharing has actually been a completely beautiful thing for our kids.
This post is all about the best tips for sibling room sharing and why both us and our kids have grown to love it.
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Sibling Room Sharing
Why Should You Consider Sibling Room Sharing?
With the crazy high costs of real estate (and well everything), more and more families are dealing with limited housing space. As a result, sibling room sharing has become far more common.
We found ourselves in this situation too, living in a two bedroom apartment about to welcome our second baby into the world. But fast forward to now and our kids have been room sharing for almost two years now! And after those two years, I can honestly say that I think the benefits of siblings sharing a room far outweigh the detriments.
Here are the biggest benefits we’ve seen in our kids over the past two years of sibling room sharing.
Bonding
Seeing my kids bond, play, comfort one another, and giggle together has been one of my absolute favorite parts of motherhood. I’ve seen my older son comfort his little sister. I’ve watched each night as they reach through the crack along the wall of their two bunk beds and squeeze each others hands before bed. I’ve seen them sing songs together when they are starting to fall asleep. And as a result, I’ve seen them care deeply about each other in other scenarios too.
Empathy
While my kids do have very similar sleep schedules, they tend to go through phases where one wakes up before the other. And while my daughter is not yet even 2, she’s learned to call for me once and wait if her brother is still asleep. I walk in to her many mornings with her finger over her lips pointing at her brother still sleeping, telling me to make sure I’m quiet.
Meanwhile my 4 year old has learned how to tip toe out of the room if he wakes up first or has to go to the bathroom in the night. They’ve learned to be considerate of each other even as little as they are.
Sharing & Compromise
While compromise looks different between toddlers versus teens, sharing a room always involves some sort of compromise. For my kids, it means sharing toys, sharing a dresser, and sharing a bunk bed. It even means sharing things as little as a night light and a fan. Which may not sound like much but picking the night light color or the speed of the fan is something little kids don’t take lightly.
Learning to share with others and compromise is a huge life skill that sibling room sharing can most definitely teach.
Respect for Others' Things
Sharing a room means kids learn how to respect others’ things and space. Because while room sharing means sharing most things, it also means respecting the few things of the other person that aren’t shared. Whether that be special toys, special stuffed animals, or even just simply staying off their bed.
Why Siblings Should Not Share a Room
A Large Age Gap
So what age should siblings stop sharing a room?
It’s not so much the specific age, as much as the age gap itself. Similar ages means similar routines and needs. It probably also means similar noise levels. Two toddlers sharing a room is much different than a toddler and a teen sharing a room. The closer in age, the better for sibling room sharing. If your kids have a large age gap, room sharing might not be best.
Different Sleep Schedules
While it’s typically a little easier to adjust bedtime and wake times, nap time can get a little tricky when it comes to room sharing. So, if you have kids that nap at different times, sibling room sharing definitely isn’t ideal. But, that said, if it’s necessary, it can be worked around. I have one who naps and one who takes quiet time in the same room. It definitely took everyone time to adjust (and a whole lot of patience), but we’ve made it work well for us.
Different Personalities
As your kids get older, you will slowly discover whether they recharge around people or need quiet space on their own to recharge. And if you have any kiddos that need time alone to recharge, sibling room sharing can be a little more difficult and require extra intentionality.
Different Genders/Privacy Needs
Having opposite gender siblings sharing a room is typically fine when younger, but as they get older privacy becomes more and more important. Once your kids are over the age of 5, you may want to consider separating the room with bookshelves or even a curtain to provide them with a little privacy. But, you’ll of course need a room with enough space to do so.
Tips to Transition Smoothly to Sibling Room Sharing
Talk About it in Advance
Whether your kids requested to share a room or it’s out of necessity, sibling room sharing is not something to spring upon your kids. Make sure to talk with them about it frequently as you approach
Involve Your Kids in the Set Up
Even if your kids are younger, giving them a say in how the room is arranged and how you decorate will make a huge difference in how smoothly the transition goes. Helping them make a shared space still feel their own will make the move feel exciting whether they wanted it or it’s out of necessity.
Establish Ground Rules as Needed
For younger kids, ground rules might be more along the lines of no talking at bedtime, not taking the other’s special toys, only having one toy out at a time, etc. While for older kids, the ground rules might be more along the lines of noise/music, clothing sharing, or privacy related rules. I highly suggest you involve older kids in the discussion when these rules are created as well to make sure that everyone feels heard.
Create Individuality AS Much As Possible
Even without separate bedrooms, there are ways to give your kids separate spaces within a shared room. Even little things can help your kids’ individual spaces within the room feel special. It’s as simple as choosing their own bedding and letting them choose a few decorations.
Use a Time to Rise Clock
Once my four year old stopped taking naps, our Hatch Rest was the saving grace to continue sibling room sharing. Now both my two and four year olds go into their room together after lunch, one taking a nap and one taking quiet time to read. And halfway through nap time, the light turns green and my four year old leaves quietly, leaving the two year old to sleep. It’s worked insanely well and I can’t recommend it enough.
Use a Sound Machine or Fan
While kids will learn to be considerate of each other, they will never manage to be totally quiet. It might be snoring or they might move around in their bed so much that it never stops creaking.
Either way, a simple sound machine or a fan can be just enough to keep them from constantly waking each other up.
Align Sleep Routines Wherever Possible
If all the kids that will be sharing a room are under the age of five or six, it’s pretty easy to pick a bedtime that will work for everyone. Same goes for if everyone is between the ages of six and ten. So, do some research on the optimal bedtime range for each of your kids’ ages and find a middle ground. It makes bedtime SO much easier.
Make Your Kids Readers
Once you pick a universal bedtime and wake time, I strongly recommend you grab each of your kids a cheap basket at the dollar store to keep a few books in bed. This allows them to read if they can’t fall asleep at the same time as their siblings and read if they wake up earlier than their siblings.
Divide The Space Visually for Older Kids
Room sharing can be a bit more difficult as kids get older. Using curtains, shelves, or rugs to divide the space visually lets each child personalize their section of the room however they like. It also allows them to have space that is truly just theirs.
Make Sure Your Kids Get Some Time Away From Each Other
If your kids play all day together, sleep together, get ready together, etc. there is bound to be more tension. Sharing a room means they share just about everything, including large amounts of time together. So, do your best to find time for them to spend individually and also find time to spend one on one with you.
Check in & Ask How It's Going
Kids change very quickly and so do their needs. So, make it a habit to check in with your kids frequently and see how they are feeling about it. Be willing to revisit the set up if needed and be there to help them to problem solve the aspects of room sharing they might be struggling with.
Make Sure to Have a Plan for Down the Road
Depending on the age and/or genders of your kids, there may come a point where room sharing is no longer appropriate. Make sure you start planning for that ahead of time so it doesn’t catch you off guard when it comes.
Give it Time & Be Patient As Everyone Adjusts
So, can siblings share a room and not drive everyone crazy? Yes! I promise they can! I can personally attest to the fact that sibling room sharing takes time to adjust to, for everyone involved. But, I can also attest to the fact that it will be worth it if you stick it out.
All that to say, two years later we’ve found room sharing to be filled with far more perks than struggles. I honestly think the hardest thing will be trying to separate them later down the line because they love it so much!
This post was all about my best tips for sibling room sharing and the huge benefits that I believe make it all worth it!
-Beautifully Busy Mom
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Meet the Author
This post was written by Monica, a former teacher turned stay at home mom. After feeling very lonely at the beginning of her motherhood journey, she started this blog in hopes that other moms wouldn’t feel the way she felt. So, this blog is filled with free resources and fun activities so that you can enjoy the beautiful chaos that is motherhood. Let’s be friends 🙂
